7 Linguistic Hacks for Effective Communication

As a linguist, whenever I write I do my best to eliminate unnecessary ambiguity. Such ambiguity is not limited to sentence structure and vagueness; it also can arise in social meaning, especially in the absence of cues like tone of voice and body language.

Some people spend a lot of conversational energy nurturing the relationship between the interlocutors. This does not come naturally to me; my style of communication is fairly informal and to-the-point. But I try to remember to use these strategies when communicating to avoid being misunderstood:

1. Acknowledge the other person

When responding to someone, acknowledge their contribution (positively if possible) before adding something new. This can be as simple as “Thanks” or “Got it” or “I agree that…”. Otherwise, for example, a constructive suggestion might be misread as a hostile criticism.

2. Ask before judging/instructing

E.g., “Why did you…?” or “How about…?” or “Would it make sense to…?” Often this elicits information that invalidates my criticism.

3. Criticize constructively

Positive suggestions about how to improve will be received better than negativity. Give justification where possible.

4. Don’t sound like a bossy know-it-all

A little rhetorical humility goes a long way. A polite request may be indirect, disguised as asking permission (“Would you mind bringing me some cookies?”, “Could you bring me some cookies?”) or a general comment on the state of the world (“It would be good if we had some cookies.”). If you’re unsure about something or want to give the other person some room to disagree, use “perhaps”, “maybe”, “I think”, “it seems to me”, etc.

5. Acknowledge your perspective

Being explicit when you speak from experience (“In my experience…”, “I have found that…”, “For me…”), rather than asserting a broad generalization, gives you credibility and leaves room for others to convey different experiences or opinions.

6. Rhetorically shoulder the burden of understanding in the conversation

Signal clarifications or requests for clarification (if it’s not completely obvious). If someone misunderstood you: “Sorry, what I meant was…”. This takes the burden of misunderstanding off of them. If you’re not sure you understood someone: “Just to make sure I understood: …” or “Clarification question: …” avoids the appearance of skepticism.

7. Use “we”/“us” to emphasize cooperation when working together

“There hasn’t been much progress” could be read as criticizing the other person, whereas “We haven’t made much progress” shares the blame.

Examples

A: The file you sent is in an obscure format. You should convert it to PDF.
B: Thanks for sending the file. It looks like a Word document — would you mind sending it as PDF? I don’t have Word on my computer.

A: The way you did X was ineffective.
B: I liked how you did Z. I think it would be more effective if instead of X, you did Y.

A: There is no room for you to enroll in my class.
B: Thanks for your interest in my class! I would be happy to have you enroll, but unfortunately there aren’t seats left.

In these examples, B is phrased more politely. A could be interpreted as rude, especially if the interlocutors don’t know each other very well.

Two important caveats:

• In general, the relationship between the interlocutors matters a lot: between best friends, mock-rudeness may actually build rapport, whereas if you’re talking to a stranger and there is a power imbalance (e.g. an undergraduate student and a professor), ignoring the cultural norms of politeness carries a greater risk of misunderstanding.
• Politeness is culture-specific. The guidelines I’ve given reflect American norms of polite communication; in other cultures these strategies might be considered strange, or even rude.

The above merely scratches the surface of this topic. I happen to work down the hall from several leading scholars in the interpersonal dynamics of communication, how language cues social meaning, and how social conventions in communication vary across cultures — see their work for a deeper explanation of these phenomena!